She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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