i was born a porn star she said
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
