I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
