Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
