Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
