i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
