Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
