ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
