Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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