I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
