no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
