I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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