im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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