Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
