sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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