Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
