The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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