Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
