Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
