I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
