i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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