Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
