There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
