just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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