I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
