I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
