I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
