I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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