Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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