Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
