Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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