I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
