ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
