Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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