he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
