I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
