stop calling my apartment porn island.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
