Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
