He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
try to milk me bitch
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
