So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
