Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
MIDGETS
????
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
