Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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