I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
