he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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