During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dignity is for republicans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
