I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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