ugly people sure do ruin things
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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