HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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