I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
