Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
