shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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