Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
