i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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