Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
