The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
