If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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