Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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