If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
