I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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